When clients come to work with me and tell that their spouse or partner constantly insults them and puts them down, it usually screams Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person , ir order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you think and anyone is susceptible. It is the common technique of abusers,
dictators, narcissists and cult leaders. It is done slowly and over time so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. It is called Gaslighting because it is a term used in the 1944 movie where a man manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind.
Signs to look for if you are being Gaslighted:
Your abuser will tell blatant lies. The worst part is, you know it's a lie but this is how they set you the precedent. Once they lie, it keeps you uncertain if they are telling the truth or not.
They deny they said it even if you have proof.
After saying they would do something and you have proof of it, they deny it. It makes you
question your reality. They more often they deny promising or saying something to you, the more you question your own reality and start believing them.
They use what is important to you as amunition.
By attacking what means most to you, it shakes up the foundation of who you are.
They wear you down.
Remember Gaslighting is done gradually so it wears you down. Little comments, snide remarks over time, you start to feel beat up.
Their actions do not make their words.
Pay attention to actions more than their words.
They will even say nice positive things to trip you up.
This same person who insults you is now saying nice things. It's done to mess up your
head and make you believe they are nice afterall. Careful, it's their goal to screw with your reality.
They know if they confuse you, it makes you weaker.
It keeps you on edge and causes you anxiety and uncertainty. It's all part of the plan to screw with your head and create doubt.
They project.
They will project their bad actions on you.
If you have someone Gaslighting you, RUN as quick as you can away from them!!